Psychologists have determined there are “good” and “bad” why’s when setting goals.
Meaning that your why, or motive, for pursuing a goal is associated with whether or not you experience well-being and life satisfaction when you achieve it.
That’s right: achieving your goals doesn’t guarantee your life will be better 😬
I mean, people form goals because of how they expect to feel when they achieve them. We want to make our lives better, right?
But… not all goals are created equal (Ryan, Sheldon, Kasser & Deci, 1996).
Fortunately, there are decades of research that show us how to develop the right reasons and motives (aka the right why) so we have more success and a better time with the goals we pursue.
This is different from setting “realistic” goals. (We won’t be talking about that.)
3 essential ingredients for developing the right why
We’ve shared about self-determination theory before, which posits that humans have 3 basic psychological needs: autonomy, belonging, and competence.
^ If these needs aren’t being met, you’re unlikely to experience general health and well-being (and more likely to find inadequate substitutes elsewhere).
To an extent, our goals help us satisfy these needs (or not).
𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀:
- 𝗘𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗰: the pursuit of wealth, fame, and image/attractiveness
- 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗰: the pursuit of personal growth, relationships, contributing to the community
Prioritizing intrinsic aspirations is associated with greater self-actualization and vitality, less depression, and fewer physical symptoms.
Extrinsic aspirations are associated with lower self-actualization, vitality, and more depressive and physical symptoms.
This is because intrinsic goals tend to be, on average, self-determined (satisfying our needs) whereas extrinsic goals are less so.
In the health and fitness world, it doesn’t take much imagination to decode which goals are more self-determined than others.
Extrinsic aspirations, especially as it relates to achieving a certain body type or wanting to adhere to societal beauty standards, increase the likelihood people pursue restrictive diets (e.g., low carb/keto, carnivore, Optavia, etc.).
And shared before how rigid diet rules are associated with weight gain.
Extrinsic aspirations are linked to lower adherence to exercise and a nutritious diet.
When you are extrinsically motivated, persisting through challenges and obstacles is very difficult. And if you’re given the advice to “remember your why” during roadblocks or setbacks, can you see how this may backfire?
When your go-to for handling a stressful day is ordering DoorDash and sitting in front of Netflix for 4 hours, your aesthetics goals (i.e., “I want to look good naked”) are probably not meaningful enough to you (or your basic psychological needs) to help you choose differently.
It’s probably not a willpower issue; it’s probably your “why.”
Espousing or Enacting?
People are more likely to espouse their aspirations than act in accordance with them, especially when it comes to intrinsic goals.
It’s not enough to say, “My goals are motivated by wanting to feel better and because I find enjoyment in the process.”
Actually living your intrinsic aspirations is critical to reaping its benefits and successful outcomes (Ryan and Deci, 2018).
If you genuinely want to be successful at achieving the health and well-being you desire, 𝗶𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀.
This means asking yourself why you are trying to change (e.g., start a diet, start a new exercise program, etc.) and thinking honestly about the answers.
“𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 (𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧) 𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵,” says psychologist Ed Deci, co-founder of self-determination theory.
These reasons aren’t convincing enough and are unlikely to motivate you in a meaningful way.
Mindset coaching in action
Hard House’s values and priorities are rooted in helping people figure out why they do what they do. This is important if you want to get out of your own way and finally make changes.
One of the ways we do this is by running our clients’ motivations and goals through this filter.
We don’t tell clients what their motivations should be (that would be obstructing their autonomy). Our training and experience can help you discover your underlying motivations that may be impacting consistency and adherence.
We trained in helping people move from the extrinsic end of the spectrum to intrinsic.
And we know how to cultivate autonomy and belonging and foster competence with clients so that they can be successful.
That’s why we say, “𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙗𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙖𝙘𝙧𝙤𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙤.”
There are a bajillion free macro calculators for the job. If knowing those numbers is all it took, Hard House wouldn’t exist.
Our objective is to help people bridge the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Understanding how to incorporate the science of motivation and self-determination is one way we do this.
^ 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁.
Last week we said a fixed mindset qualifies you. So does not act in alignment with your values. So does not feel in control.
And whether or not you have the right or wrong motives for changing, we know how to help.
𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝘀 $𝟰𝟵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗦𝗧 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵.
We’ve created more than a dozen packages to help make high-caliber coaching more accessible to you but 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗠𝗮𝘆 𝟯𝟭𝘀𝘁.
We’re here to help get you through the summer and beyond so that you can make the most out of 2023.
We’re also including two special bonuses for you:
𝗕𝗢𝗡𝗨𝗦 𝟭: The Body Image Program and How to Change (coming in June) inside Hard House University. Nobody teaches the science of body image and helping yourself change like we do (𝘝𝘈𝘓𝘜𝘌: $𝟽𝟻𝟶)
𝗕𝗢𝗡𝗨𝗦 𝟮: First 3 months of Hard House Training subscription INCLUDED (𝘝𝘈𝘓𝘜𝘌: $𝟸𝟻𝟶)
When it comes to learning how to make changes that stick, Hard House is the best there is at helping you achieve this.
And it starts by helping you develop meaningful reasons to change and skills to persevere through setbacks and gaining a new friend (your coach) in the process.
By lowering the barrier to getting started AND providing savings in the process, we hope this email finds you at a time you’re ready to put your desires into action.
Allow Hard House to help you over the hump.
